The one with all the blessings...

"Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14b

In studying the book of Esther for about 5 weeks now, I have come to rest on this question asked of Esther by Mordecai. He is basically saying to her that she needs to open her eyes to the bigger picture. She is a JEWISH queen of a Persian Empire. He is saying to her, look lady, you are looking at yourself when you choose to NOT confront the king - look outward and see the bigger picture and you will see that you are HERE in this PLACE at this TIME with these CIRCUMSTANCES for a reason.

I kept coming back to that. This place, this time, these circumstances. Who will my decisions affect? Once I answered those questions for myself, I realized, yep - I needed to hear that. My life is not haphazardly put together. I already knew that God had entrusted me with these 2 wonderful children. But, I am learning that He is leaving the HOW I am going to do it up to me.

My 'Resolution' post showed the slowing of a pace around here. My neurosis is much more containable. I feel more sane. I likely am a better mother and listener and person to be around. So, what happened after I made the DECISION to slow down the pace?

Blessings happened.....

It is so amazing to me to watch the Lord take back the reigns. I decide I'm going to take control for a while and whine and kick and scream myself right out of his Will for my life - but the moment I give it all back to Him - He shows me why I can take none of the credit and He is the only one who should ever be in control.

In real time, it was HOURS after I finally gave over control that the new day started and Jen was here for Speech. I felt at peace with everything going on. Never once did I feel defensive. I was able to bring up a new concern (scripting from Curious George) and a big success for the week (talking ABOUT something). At the end of the session I was rehashing DS standing at the door waiting for her to come in and I blurted out "I don't know what we're going to do when DS turns 3 and you don't come anymore...He loves you so much, what am I going to tell him?" Why i said that, I don't really know - but it was true.

Her response sparked the conversation that we have needed to have and haven't had time for. I never quite know where Jen is coming from, but today marked an occasion I won't forget. She said that while he is very well caught up from where we started it is very likely that he will qualify for ongoing analysis of his Speech progress. And if he doesn't she would fight for it. I think she was eluding to the fact that SHE could be that for him, and would see him monthly, but I won't put those words in her mouth. I told her that while I do see how wonderful he is doing and how well he is caught up on most speech goals, I fear that once I am taken out of his services that he will fall back behind. She said that he is more than caught up - but the Pragmatic (this word will become a theme) useage of his language needs a lot of work. She said he would test SO well on language that they would have a hard time seeing the problem - but to make sure they are looking at the Pragmatic and Social uses of his language and the problems become obvious. Once they have that piece there is more than enough evidence to give us at the least a monthly evaluation that I can be a part of and make sure his goals (IEP) are dead on. HALLELUJAH AMEN! She finally gave me something to work with. Now if I can get that down on paper - I have letter #1 to take with me to his IEP/Qualification meeting.

Then, Ron came for his weekly appointment. We spent about an hour working the TEACCH process - Work/Play/Work/Play. DS loves every minute of the work. Not so crazy about the play, but he joins us without too much restraint. As I've said before, Idle conversation with Ron is just not going to happen. Let's just say he's Quirky. However, today (not by accident, this proves my point on blessings from God) as he was packing up his car load of stuff, somehow a conversation was sparked.

He says 'Has DS had an IEP meeting yet?' and I told him we have had the very very basic meeting that doesn't tell you anything except that you'll get something in the mail and plan on 3 more meetings. I told him that the whole process confused me and that they don't seem too helpful on the confusion either. So, he says to me 'Well, that's why I like to be a part of all of my kid's Preschool meetings. We'll have to really fight for him. With a kid like him, we will really have to show the Pragmatic and Social areas that he struggles. They might qualify him due to his label, but from my experience, we're really going to have to fight.'

He went a lot deeper too. He said that he had 2 other little boys like DS and one qualified for a preschool program, the other did not. The little boy who didn't was much more aware of his surroundings and was able to pick up on very subtle clues in his environment to regulate himself. Several very specific issues came up - like that of standing in a line. DS isn't going to know why/how/when/etc.. on his own. These are the practical types of things that stand out to Ron. He may not need a LOT of help, but he'll need some. So Ron actually wants to push for Itinerant services in addition to his preschool. This will likely mean that the actual preschool itself will fall on our shoulders and not in the lap of the state - but I see his point and think that he's on to something.

Just as he was leaving I asked if next week was our last session & he told me that he is in the process of trying to push through 4-5 more sessions with us so he will still be our case manager and can be a

part of all the meetings regarding services after 3.

After he left, I was energized and exhausted all in the same breath. I stopped and allowed myself a

small cry. The corner of my mouth turned up and I smiled at the thought of having 2 out of 2 today

ready to fight for this little boy worthy of it all.

Thank you Lord for this peace. I told you I needed a break. I just didn't know what I meant.