I'll Love you forever, I'll like you for always...

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

I guess you don't really wake up and expect a miracle on a miracle day. The day is going as it usually does and I suppose miracles usually just sneak their way in....

I own the book 'Love You Forever', and it has always held a special place deep down. I think most mama's have a bittersweet taste as they read it, and I imagine most don't read it without a box of tissues handy.

But for me, it holds an even more special meaning. When I pick up my boy and rock him back and forth and back and forth and tell him I love him forever and like him for always..... he really does have to be really asleep.

He is so sweet and shows me in many many ways that he loves me. But, not by holding me. He never has. As my first child, and a baby, I never understood why I couldn't carry him on my hip. If I tried... he'd just hang off. He would never put his arms around my neck or even just grab my shirt or arms. I can even remember the last time I tried to snuggle with him. We used to always lay on the couch, snuggle up and watch ELF when he was tiny. But as soon as he had a little mobility, he would arch away. As he got older, we noticed he yelled when we tried to hug him in bed or tuck him in or especially when silly mama tried to sneak in bed and snuggle. Then, one day we gave him the words he needed, "I want to sleep by myself.' Which was a blessing, even though it stung a little to hear it every time I got close. He knew what he wanted and could express it.

Baby sis has moved back in the room with Big brother. We needed the office space, so coordinating naps has been a challenge. She went for her nap first, Big Brother was reading his books, and I was feverishly working on a new reward chart (stickers for 'good choices', subtract stickers for 'bad choices', and 8 stickers = 15 minutes on PBSKids.org) so I could show it to him and get him working towards 3 stickers if he made the 'good choice' of staying in bed. He seemed excited...

And then....

.... he grabbed my hand, "I want to take a nap, Mommy" and led me to his room.

"Well, ok, you can take a nap... make sure you use your good choice and stay............... "

"can I snuggle?" He grabbed me around the neck with both arms, holding on so tight, like he would fall if I even moved a muscle. "can I snuggle?"

"Yes, sweet boy, I'll snuggle with you"

"ok, mommy"

I layed on the bed in tears as he gripped around my neck and twirled my hair. I tried to pull away at one point, "No, hold me."

I didn't even know he knew to say that....... I continued to lay there as long as he wanted to hold me. After about 10 minutes, he moved to the side - flipped onto his belly, "You lay beside me." ....and then he fell asleep.

My incessant sobbing kept making him jump and Baby Sis reposition in bed, so I thought I'd better leave. But I could've laid there FOREVER.

I KNOW that God is working on me... teaching things through my children day in and day out.

"Those who sow in tears

Shall reap in joy.

He who continually goes forth weeping,

Bearing seed for sowing,

Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,

Bringing his sheaves with him."

Psalm 126:5-6

Lord... you have my attention.

Thank you for being in control and not me.

Thank you for the hard places....

I hurt at times

But You always show me

why it's so silly to

be sad over the creation

you have placed in my care.

The deepest things I have ever felt

YOU have shown me.

Thank you that no one else can take

credit for the miracles You perform.

My HOPE is in you Lord

My STRENGTH is in you Lord

My LIFE is in you Lord.