Quick Hit: Clocks

So, round about noon today, I learned something new about my boy.

I'm fairly certain it will explain itself.

DS: "It's 12 o'clock"

Me: "Yes it is, look at this clock, it says 12 o'clock too"

DS: "No. That's 11:58"

Me: "uh...................................You are absolutely right!"

I'll Love you forever, I'll like you for always...

As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

I guess you don't really wake up and expect a miracle on a miracle day. The day is going as it usually does and I suppose miracles usually just sneak their way in....

I own the book 'Love You Forever', and it has always held a special place deep down. I think most mama's have a bittersweet taste as they read it, and I imagine most don't read it without a box of tissues handy.

But for me, it holds an even more special meaning. When I pick up my boy and rock him back and forth and back and forth and tell him I love him forever and like him for always..... he really does have to be really asleep.

He is so sweet and shows me in many many ways that he loves me. But, not by holding me. He never has. As my first child, and a baby, I never understood why I couldn't carry him on my hip. If I tried... he'd just hang off. He would never put his arms around my neck or even just grab my shirt or arms. I can even remember the last time I tried to snuggle with him. We used to always lay on the couch, snuggle up and watch ELF when he was tiny. But as soon as he had a little mobility, he would arch away. As he got older, we noticed he yelled when we tried to hug him in bed or tuck him in or especially when silly mama tried to sneak in bed and snuggle. Then, one day we gave him the words he needed, "I want to sleep by myself.' Which was a blessing, even though it stung a little to hear it every time I got close. He knew what he wanted and could express it.

Baby sis has moved back in the room with Big brother. We needed the office space, so coordinating naps has been a challenge. She went for her nap first, Big Brother was reading his books, and I was feverishly working on a new reward chart (stickers for 'good choices', subtract stickers for 'bad choices', and 8 stickers = 15 minutes on PBSKids.org) so I could show it to him and get him working towards 3 stickers if he made the 'good choice' of staying in bed. He seemed excited...

And then....

.... he grabbed my hand, "I want to take a nap, Mommy" and led me to his room.

"Well, ok, you can take a nap... make sure you use your good choice and stay............... "

"can I snuggle?" He grabbed me around the neck with both arms, holding on so tight, like he would fall if I even moved a muscle. "can I snuggle?"

"Yes, sweet boy, I'll snuggle with you"

"ok, mommy"

I layed on the bed in tears as he gripped around my neck and twirled my hair. I tried to pull away at one point, "No, hold me."

I didn't even know he knew to say that....... I continued to lay there as long as he wanted to hold me. After about 10 minutes, he moved to the side - flipped onto his belly, "You lay beside me." ....and then he fell asleep.

My incessant sobbing kept making him jump and Baby Sis reposition in bed, so I thought I'd better leave. But I could've laid there FOREVER.

I KNOW that God is working on me... teaching things through my children day in and day out.

"Those who sow in tears

Shall reap in joy.

He who continually goes forth weeping,

Bearing seed for sowing,

Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,

Bringing his sheaves with him."

Psalm 126:5-6

Lord... you have my attention.

Thank you for being in control and not me.

Thank you for the hard places....

I hurt at times

But You always show me

why it's so silly to

be sad over the creation

you have placed in my care.

The deepest things I have ever felt

YOU have shown me.

Thank you that no one else can take

credit for the miracles You perform.

My HOPE is in you Lord

My STRENGTH is in you Lord

My LIFE is in you Lord.

"F" Words

For a while, Jen (SLP) has been testing the waters with 'F's'. He

has always used a 'Th' sound, and part of the problem might be that he is missing a front tooth, but Jen doesn't seem to think that is the whole problem.

Yesterday she asked me for a mirror after witnessing the F's not getting any better. She sat right behind him and just had him bite at his lip over and over, like she was doing, all while watching in the mirror.

A few misses and then BINGO!!!

'Ffffarmer, Ffffarmer, Farmer!'

We congratulated, worked a few more minutes and then moved on.

She said that sometimes you just have to wait until they're ready. She was right.

So, today, I was celebrating for him as he figured out other 'F' words to say correctly.

If you've ever watched So You Think You Can Dance, you'll get my reference.

"Ffffoot"

"Good Job! High Fives!! You're on the Hot Tamale Train!! WOOWOO WOOWOOO!!"

And, the rest of my day has been like this:

"Foot, Feet, Flower, Fireman, Farmer, Farm.... WOOWOOO WOOOWOOOOO....Hot Tamale Train!"

Good Week!

Two firsts at dinner.....

I don't know why I held back my tears when it happened.... I guess so I could be strong for my boy. But, I am NOT holding them back as I write this.

Our first week of school is over. DS hasn't been eating well at school [they serve breakfast], I can tell because he is hungry enough to tell me when he gets to the car. Tonight at dinner we had a host of favorites; Chicken Nuggets, Green Beans, Potatoes, Mac n Cheese. Both kids were happily digging in, when baby sis decided to start playing with her milk.

As usual, playtime ensued. She shook her cup back and forth, and he did too. However, his is an open top cup. 'Uh-Oh!' says mommy when it spilled. And the tears started to flow. He was so upset. His little lip was quivering, he was heart broken.

In the midst of sobbing, he managed to get out, "I'm... sorry ....for ...spilling... milk Daddy....'

What did he just say? What did he just fully understand? What?! What!! WHAT??????

Dad and I looked at each other in amazement and felt so sorry for him because it was SUCH a sweet first for us, but it was just an accident and he felt so bad he could barely get the words out.

Then, "Can... I ....help clean up ....milk?"

What did he just ask? What did he just fully understand? What?! What!! WHAT??????

Sweet sweet firsts. Sweet sweet understanding. I am amazed beyond words tonight.

Funny Things...

As a Stay-at-home-mom, I become complacent to see hilarious things happen around me all day long that just seem normal.

I've never thought about DS's little morning routine until THIS morning.

DS gets up. Earlier than usual. Dad and I are sitting having our morning coffee and daily quiet time. The lights go on, the lights go off, and then he sits on the couch.

I never blinked.

Dad, looks at me and laughs, "Did you just see that? He just turned on the lights. It looks like he is sleepwalking."

We both laugh.

Later, I called dad for one reason or another. He was still relishing the morning happenings and asked me if he went off to school ok? I asked him what was different about the way he woke up, and he responded that he looked like he was sleepwalking the way he just came into the room with no greeting, turned the lights on & off, scratched his head, and then sat down.

I laughed a little harder.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOH. That! I wasn't sure why you were concerned. He does that every morning."

"Really?!"

"Yeah. I can be standing in his path and he never even looks at me. He runs out of his room. Flips on his light, hall light, livingroom light, and then sits down. It used to be the TV, but now he just turns on the lights."

We both have an even better laugh. Realizing that we just get to see things that other parents don't. And we enjoy that.

The EEG Results

I really didn't expect to get ANY results from the EEG.

I expected it to be one of those phone calls like I've had so many times, "Is this mom? The results are normal at this time." But,When you hear the Doctor is on the other end of the phone, you know that's not what they're going to tell you.

~Abnormality in Right Temporal Lobe

~Slowing for brief periods of time on & off

~No active seizure activity within duration of the test, but there is an elevated risk

Doc also mentioned that it could be something as simple as a cyst, but an MRI would possibly show lesions if they are present.

She basically said that he has an elevated risk now, and even if the MRI does not show any additional information, he will be monitored from here on out.

The Developmental Pedi does not read the EEG, we will have to schedule an appointment with the Neurologist who wrote the report to discuss the results in more detail. We will have a Head/Brain MRI this Wednesday to follow up on his head trauma at birth, and now to follow up on his EEG results as well.

My Google search found quite a few things supporting 'Right Temporal Lobe Abnormalities' as being associated with Autism. It was quite interesting to read that it contributes the sensory system, language development, and aggression.... however I don't really want to know TOO much. Only HIS brain is going to tell us what we need to know.

Any experiences out there??? Questions I should have ready for the Neurologist/MRI??

Holding fast to the knowledge that God is the one who created this little miraculous boy.... He knows what his purpose is and I am actively searching for what HE wants me to learn. One is certainly WORRY does me no good.